


A Passion for Fashion

by Quaxo



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 21:53:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1403812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quaxo/pseuds/Quaxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hurricane Van Dyne strikes Clint's closet.  He thinks he can get used to it. </p>
<p>Or -- author tries to introduce Janet Van Dyne into Avengers film verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Passion for Fashion

"Uhmm, what the hell are you doing?"

Normally, Clint thinks, finding a beautiful woman standing in your bedroom is a good thing. Especially when they dressed to the nines, wearing a bright yellow dress and studded leggings that probably cost a ridiculous amount of money.

Too bad his life is never normal.

"I could ask you the same thing," She replies, perfectly plucked eyebrow arching upwards as she tosses one of his sweaters into a box labelled 'BURN'. "Sleeveless sweaters, really? Who ever has had their arms be really hot while the rest of them is cold," She purses her mandarin orange lips together, brown eyes sparkling as she looks over him speculatively, "Of course, you do have rather remarkable arms --" She's in his space, examining his biceps in faster time than her six-inch heels should allow. "Still," She beams up at him cheekily as a lock of auburn hair falls across her brow, "I think we can do better than old man sweaters, don't you?"

She gives him an appreciative pat on the biceps, and then is back to raiding his closet in the blink of an eye and starts tossing more of his clothes into the 'HOMELESS' box. It looks like most of his clothes are in that box. He spies both of Natasha's leopard print dresses trailing out of a box that is marked 'BURN'. 

"Darling, I think we're going to have start from a clean slate with you, but you're going to look and feel so much better once I'm done with you."

"Who the hell are you and why have you been going Natasha and my closets?"

"You know Natasha? Good -- now what's her favorite color -- She has great taste in clothing," the woman's lip curls as she glares at the leopard dresses balefully, "Most of the time, but everything is black. I was born and raised in a New York City and even I don't have that much black in my closet. She could do with a few lighter colors -- maybe some browns and pinks -- or if she's really attached to the black then maybe I could talk her into a nice true navy. It'd be so much kinder to her complexion."

"Lady, that's nice and all but who. the hell. are. you."

The woman blinks at him, as if she can't believe he doesn't recognize her. 

"Didn't Tony tell you I was coming," She lets out an aggrieved sigh and totters back over to him and thrusts out her hand. "Janet Van Dyne of Van Dyne designs. I'm handling the overhaul on the Avengers wardrobe. It's the least I can do after what you guys did when the Chitauri invaded."

Then she's gone again -- Clint would almost swear she had wings, she moves so fast -- and he can hear calling for Tony down hallway. 

He immediately starts pulling his clothes out of the box and tossing them back into his closet. Maybe his arms do get hotter than the rest of his body -- so what? He was archer. He needed arms free -- and they're not old man sweaters! He's seen kids from Williamsburg wearing them --

Okay, so maybe she's right and they need to go, at least out of his casual clothes. 

He rescues his 'Welcome to the Gun Show' t-shirt -- only it can't be his because it's like a kid's size, but there aren't any kids in the tower.

When he sees that Bruce's hideous alpaca-vomit sweater has somehow shrunk to a toddler's size he quickly rescues Natasha's dresses before it's too late. They're two of her favorites, at least he thinks they are -- she wears them a lot anyway, so that must mean that she likes them, right? 

Whatever, there's obviously more to Van Dyne and her shrinky-boxes than meets the eye. 

Why couldn't a beautiful woman show up uninvited to his room for once without it involving what he's pretty sure is magic, offers to join super secret spy organization or trying to kill him?

"Hey, Janet -- you find Tony yet?"

***///***///*** 

"Look, I'm sorry, guys -- she does this, she's like a steamroller you just have to let her go and pick up the pieces afterward. Hank'll come over in the morning and reverse the Pym particles and you guys can all have your old clothes back," Tony signs, tossing back his scotch with the rest of them now that Hurricane Van Dyne has moved on, threatening to return tomorrow with some samples for them to try. "She's just trying to be nice. She has really great taste -- I mean she's put me on the best-dressed list for the last ten years."

"She said me wearing 501s was tragic," Steve grumbles and Natasha chokes on her scotch. 

"Well it kind of is," She and Tony say in unison. 

"What do you mean!? They're just jeans--"

"All I'm going to say, Steve, and I say this as a friend and not for any other reason--"

"Five-oh-ones do nothing for your **ass** ets, Steve," Natasha interrupts, and Steve turns bright red.

"You're just saying that because she liked everything in your closet," Bruce grumbles, wearing a pair of pyjama pants and AC/DC shirt he borrowed from Tony, and Clint manfully smothers a cough as Natasha preens slightly. 

"It's not that bad, Bruce..."

"I have no clothes, Tony!"

"Well you shouldn't have provoked her by buying all your clothes at Wal-Mart -- seriously, I get that you want to hoard money in a nest egg in the unlikely circumstance that this all goes south and you have to go on the run again, but Wal-Mart, buddy? Really? Are you that desperate?"

"I'm going to bed."

"Aww, c'mon Bruce, you know I didn't mean anything by it!"

"Whatever," Clint announces after Tony leaves the room, trailing after Bruce, "A rich lady wants to buy me expensive new clothes? Works for me."

"I never knew that you had aspirations of becoming somebody's boy toy," Natasha teases.

"Letting a rich woman take care of all my expenses while I sit there and look pretty? I'm pretty sure that's the American dream."

Steve turns as red as the stripe on his shield when Natasha tells Clint that he'd have to do more than sit to get her money.


End file.
